i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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