im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
