u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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