i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
sarcasm needs its own font
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
