My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
