And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
