No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
