I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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