i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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