im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
