I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
