He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
