when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
