I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
