My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
