found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
wow bdsm is so cute
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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