she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
