you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
