I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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