Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
