this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
