Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
