Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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