??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
