I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
