My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I don't think brook has ever known best
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize