Plan B is the new Plan A
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
