I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i think my mom watched the whole time
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
