oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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