Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
In America we eat man semen.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
