he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
