just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
