yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
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