Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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