just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
my shit smells like andre
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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