She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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