My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
