She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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