On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Oh god it's open bar.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
