its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I think pants incapable of making pants work
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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