Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
