If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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