You can't special order awesome
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Randomize
