Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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