ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
