As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
