you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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