I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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