I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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