You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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