So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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