i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
