it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
