Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize