Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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