yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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