i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
