Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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