On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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