The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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