I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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