Are we in a gay sports bar?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
