You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
