So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
