I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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