dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
