So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
it's like iHOP with fire
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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