She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
