I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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