did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
