Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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